


Moments of John and Dave

by Angus_With_the_Green_Scarf



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Highschool AU, I like this, M/M, This is just a short lil thing I was trying to write to get back into the flow of writing, davejohn - Freeform, it doesn't even get to their relationship but you know what, johndave - Freeform, these aren't even full stories, they're just snapshots of interaction with john and dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:50:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3603966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angus_With_the_Green_Scarf/pseuds/Angus_With_the_Green_Scarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, this became something I didn't realize it would, so this is just a bunch of random Highschool AU JohnDave interactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the AUs from surprisingly-alive-redshirt's [ post.](http://kireiuta.tumblr.com/post/105993479889/consider-the-following>)
> 
> First Chapter: John's not as technically inclined as he would hope, and Dave is an ass about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am well aware this doesn't really make sense, and I am so sorry if you're confused about it! It's less a full fic and more a situation that I thought would be funny and strange. The second chapter honestly doesn't fit with the first, and I think this will just be little snippets of John and Dave interacting!  
> Thank you for reading!

"God _damn_ it! Why won't he just let me out of the group already?"

EB: look, you pompous jerk, all i want is to get out of this stupid group chat!! it is blowing up my phone with random messages that are way out of context and it is using up all of my data!!!

TG: i have no idea what youre talking about man. just leave the group chat if you dont wanna be here. 

You internally seethe. Well, you are externally seething too, but it sounds better when you keep it bottled up inside. You wish you could say you put up a cool front, or even a happy front, but nope! Not you! Not fucking you!!! You're so irritated and embarrassed right now that people are giving you weird looks. Are you stomping? WHO CARES! You are honestly so mad you could rival any and all angst-y, anarchy craving, authority-hating teenager stereotype and come back with more fire power!

That asshole did not even _intentionally_ add you to the group chat! In fact, he didn't mean to add you on Pesterchum at all, but here you are! He probably even knows you're new to it and don't know how to get out of the group chat! God, you have next period with him, and you are not looking forward to it. On one hand, it's the last period of the day, which is the best period of the day for various reasons (it's your favorite class and the teacher loves you!), plus he sits a little ways away from you. On the other hand, his locker is a few down from yours and you just know he is going to bother you and ruin your potentially good mood.

Well, he can go throw himself a farewell party to his status as 'that one annoying prick that ruins your day', because you are determined to have a good time in Biology in spite of his inevitable shenanigans! Honestly, fuck that guy!

Your name is JOHN EGBERT, you are sitting in BIOLOGY and you are CONSIDERABLY LESS PISSED THAN YOU WERE EARLIER. Perhaps your DAY will BRIGHTEN yet.

\---------------------------------------

It's funny, watching him try so hard to ignore you at the beginning of class. Scratch that; it's funny watching him in general. He's an animated person, and making him get so uncharacteristically bothered by something like this is both interesting and time consuming. It's like setting the perfect trap and waiting for an unsuspecting passerby to fall into it, snapping a photo just before they fully process what's going on. Shock, fear, and the bittersweet betrayal rolled into one mess of an expression could be used as some pretty choice blackmail material if you choose the right person to prank.

In other words, it's a perfect use of your time and technological capabilities.

You see, you meant to add him to the chat. You weren't sure how he would react, but after the first two or three fairly polite inquiries about kicking him out of the group (and the increasingly agitated demands that followed), you knew he didn't know how to leave. It was just too perfect.

All you did was make a bunch of random accounts and start faking inside jokes and references to conversations passed.

You have too much time on your hands.

EB: look, i am almost certain you know that i don't know how to get out of this group chat, so this is me asking you for help in leaving this. would you kick me out of this chat, pretty please?

TG: alright okay jeez. since you asked so nicely and obviously dont know your way around pesterchum yet ill teach you how to work it like a pro. meet me at my locker after class and ill get you out of the chat alright?

You figured you'd let the guy off after a week or so of torture via Pesterchum. If your plan works out you'll have his number; then the real fun begins.

The first chance he gets, he checks his phone, and you can tell he's mentally high-fiving himself. His grin basically takes up his whole face, and he hums for most of the period. The bell trills its shrill 'get out' and you nod to the paranormal-obsessed dork before heading to your locker.

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you're about to MAKE THE BEST of an ALREADY AMUSING SITUATION.


	2. Chapter 2

After the whole Pesterchum fiasco concluded, you start talking to Dave more. He isn't all that bad once you get past the bullshit irony and terrible rambling metaphors. In fact, he is actually pretty cool! (Not that you would ever tell him that. Honestly, his head is big enough without the praise!)

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you jump, nearly dumping your dinner all over your desk. After you're sure your beloved food will not have a fated encounter with your carpet, you pull your phone out to see who messaged you.

TG: so egbert

EB: so dave.

TG: do you have the hw for tonight?

Cue the Olympic-level eyeroll. Did he seriously just ask you that? You are planning on eating really soon, and you don't want anything to distract you from the monsterous pile of mac n cheese on your plate!

EB: let me guess, you somehow managed to let go of yours while skateboarding and doing some incredibly sick stunt off the roof of your building?

TG: no way man thats ridiculous

TG: thats like you actually getting up and going on a random 5k

TG: ie that shits not gonna happen

TG: i just didnt understand it

EB: oh, wow! the great dave strider admitting to not paying attention in class? i am truly shocked.

TG: calm your tits johnny boy

TG: i know im too hot to handle sometimes but you dont need to jump all over my dick

TG: i just need you to explain why the fuck it matters that we learn what the tiniest difference between animal cells and plants cells happens to be at any given moment and why animals happen to not be green

You grin to yourself, noting his rising agitation. You swear half the time if he was typing in all caps he would seem like a generally angry person, but maybe that's just you.

EB: wow. yes, this is totally me jumping all over your dick. that is exactly what is going on right now. i am not rubbing all this knowledge in your face. not at all. nope.

EB: by the way, how does this sweet a+ taste? i think i got used to the flavor.

It's a dick move, but you justify your teasing by remembering that he almost made you spill your dinner! I mean, who does that?

TG: alright ill cut you a deal

TG: you can either give me your homework tomorrow morning and not get it back until class or you can explain this shit to me now and not have to worry about the teacher noticing that i basically copied you word for word

TG: up to you man

You pretend to consider that for a moment, even going as far as to scratch your chin thoughtfully before remembering that nobody can see you. Welp, better not let your macaroni wait too long!

EB: okay, i will help you. on one condition!

TG: ill do anything

TG: my grades need you

TG: i need you

And he falls right into your metaphorical trap! Score one for Egbert.

EB: weeeeeellll... i guess i could explain everything to you if you let me come hang out at your apartment!

TG: i dunno if youre ready for that much concentrated strider

EB: gasp! dave, are you going back on your word?? what about our daughter, dave? what will she think when she hears her father isn't allowed to visit her mother?

EB: dave, are you breaking up with me?? what about casey??? i knew this day would come! my father was right about you striders!

TG: what

TG: no baby please thats not what i was saying at all

TG: i love casey so much i dont know where you could have ever gotten that i dont love her

TG: shes my sun

TG: my center

TG: my world revolves around her

TG: hell shes my entire universe and im so blessed to have a wonderful daughter like her

TG: im gonna need a minute to cry about my perfect baby

TG: boo hoo

TG: but nah man its a mine field in here

TG: theres swords and puppets and shit everywhere

TG: disgraceful i tell you

TG: but sure whatever you can come crash at my place tomorrow or something as long as its cool with dadbert

Throw out the scoreboard, because you have won all of the points. All of them! You are finally going to see what Dave's house looks like!

Of course, you can't let him know that was your plan all along, so you feign indifference. Or at least you would, but you're too excited!

EB: sweet! :D i'll ask him right now!

Forgetting the macaroni waiting faithfully on your desk, you rush downstairs to pester your dad about visiting Dave. Of course, he can never seem to resist you when you're really excited about something, so he asks for Dave's home phone number and talks it over with Dave's Bro. He shoos you away, patting you on the head (which you're too old for, but you would never tell him that) and telling you to eat your dinner.

Once you get upstairs, you are reunited with your loving macaroni wife, and you begin your honeymoon in a place with an abundance of cheesy goodness. Eventually, you have to answer your phone. Someone's been messaging you almost constantly since you went downstairs, and you're almost certain you know exactly who it is.

TG: the phone just rang for the first time in centuries

TG: what

TG: oh my god

TG: your dad is one of those parents who calls the other guardian to arrange shit

TG: john what the fuck

TG: what

TG: the actual

TG: fuck

TG: this is so embarrassing

TG: i bet youre sitting there eating your mac n cheese

TG: all smug because you know

TG: you know exactly what youve done

TG: youre the evil mastermind

TG: ive discovered your secret

TG: jokes on you because you cant control my mind

TG: im impervious to mental assault

EB: you've found me out! it is my ultimate goal to have you under my control!! muhahaha!

EB: but seriously dave, calm down. i was only gone a couple minutes!

EB: i know we're bros, but you can survive without me for a few minutes.

TG: oh john

TG: i thought you said we were ready for the next level

EB: you don't mean!

TG: thats right

TG: im down on one knee here

TG: would you john egbert

TG: join me in a vow of true bromance

EB: oh my gosh, this is so sudden!

EB: i... i'm going to have to say yes!

EB: what did bro say? are they done talking yet?

TG: idk

TG: he doesnt look like hes on the phone and he doesnt look smug so im pretty sure youre coming over tomorrow

EB: yesssssss. okay, so you wanted to know the difference between animal cells and plant cells?

TG: sure

Your plan worked. You are officially going to visit the Strider abode and maybe even stay the night! With your macaroni honeymoon, this will make the happiest day of your life.

**Author's Note:**

> This was edited and grammatically checked by the lovely Shay, who is the bomb diggity and should forever be thought of as such!  
> Also if you have any prompt ideas or fic requests, feel free to [shoot me an ask](http://kireiuta.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr!  
> Have a nice day, folks!
> 
> I AM SO SORRY I'VE BEEN INACTIVE FOR SO LONG!! I know you guys have actually wanted a different update (probably a new chapter for Green Eyes or Love Doctor Mabel?), but this was just sitting in drafts forever! I had to post it once I realized how long I'd been gone!  
> Gosh, I'll get to working on LDM right away! I think I started the next chapter, but I lost motivation.  
> Alex is on the case!!  
> Sorry again!


End file.
